My Truth

Over the years a little monster has been growing inside of me. Maybe it was always there, lying dormant. As I grew up, so did the beast within. Sometimes he overpowers me, and takes my place. Other times I can choke him out and quiet the roar. It is a constant battle with no end in sight.

Hearing this and knowing me, you probably now understand exactly what I am telling you. You’ve seen when the monster is in the driver’s seat. You feel it. You hear it. He tries to tear you apart, just like my insides. The demon doesn’t like when things are going well, when I’m comfortable, or when real love is present. He wants me to be alone with him.

I believe introductions are in order…

26 or so years ago a small creature was born. That creature was named Nicklaus Alexander Lindemann.

Hi, my name is Nick, and I am a quitter. I quit things. This isn’t complaining or any type of self-loathing, it is a fact. I will pick something up, and before too long put it back down. It is in my nature. I am ADHD, a serial procrastinator, and a fatal amount of lazy.

A short time ago I took a step back and looked at my life, every aspect of it, my successes and failures, all of my past and future dreams and goals, and I wrote them down. I found that my biggest issue wasn’t my job, my living situation, or the people around me, it was in fact me that was the problem.

I was now in my mid-twenties with little to show for it. I wasn’t the superhero I envisioned I would be when I was a kid. My own selfish behaviors and even crappier habits turned me into my own villain. My own archenemy. I needed to find a way to rectify this. I now had this knowledge, now what to do with it?

I had to come up with a plan. It had to be a good one, because I have been digging a hole for several years, and I was in dire need of a ladder.

I enrolled in college. I am trying currently for a Bachelors in Criminal Justice with a minor in Business. I’m aiming to be a probation officer for kids, being a troubled kid myself back in the day. I’ve been doing this for over a year now and I’m actually doing really well.

I met a wonderful and beautiful girl named Natasha. I vowed to be 100% honest and true, letting her know me inside and out, problems and all. We truly love each other and she has been the most supportive person in my life. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have her. I still pinch myself.

I have always been creative, and always have had a humongous imagination pouring ideas out all over the place. I would start writing poetry or a story, and give up on it before it started. I SAY NAY! I am a writer! I will finish my shit! I will own it.

I am now in the process of finishing my first novel, several short stories, and a poetry collection. I am even in the beginning stages of an Inspirational guide/self-help series ‘Finding the Superhero Within’. This blog will now be a part of my writing habit as well.

There you have it. There is the short and sweet version. It doesn’t even scratch the surface of all there is to Mr. Lindemann, but if you stick around, you might pick up more pieces to the puzzle. I’m still finding some myself.

If things aren’t going the way you want them to in life, take inventory. Take that step back, find out what is wrong, find what is missing. It could be the people you surround yourself with, which you might have to cut the bad fruit from the tree. I know it is hard to accept, but it can be that YOU are the problem. I promise you, once you own that, it is almost a spiritual experience.

Nothing is set in stone. Grab your life by the balls and start getting the results that you dream of. Stop wasting time. Start taking risks. LIVE YOUR LIFE. You only get one after all.

 

That little creature all grown up,

Nicklaus Lindemann