Have you ever been stressed out before? I’m not talking a mild annoyance or something that passes in a matter of moments. I speak of a lingering force that cannot be hidden from your face and seemingly can’t be shook. Everything is alright but somehow this deep hot, blistering orb resides within your torso. Why must being human come with so many trials?
Is it a sign that something is wrong? Is it a indicator of personal weakness? Does it mean you have an ulcer? Could it be that working in fast food pushing thirty is slowly killing You? Well, that last one sounded a little too personal, but you could insert your own issue there.
In a certain sense I feel as though I have a fake it till you make it attitude most of the time. So much so that I get to the point where I believe it and am in a ignorant blissful state. Sure everything is fine, you are a badass, you can handle everything. Then all of a sudden you are juggling multiple jobs, multiple college courses, a relationship, personal fitness, and clawing at the possibility of hobbies or creative interests (which is getting harder to achieve). Fingers crossed I’ve been written into someone’s will that is absolutely minted. Morbid thought, but it’d be like winning the lottery by being well liked.
This isn’t as wise or uplifting as some of my posts. Because I can’t end this with a how to or how it can be eased. I don’t have a fix for this, because it keeps returning. A self inflicting boomerang of negative feels soup. Oh! I like that. Definitely not something you’d wanna eat though. But I do enjoy the brief moments where I impress my self with my own thoughts. I just have to keep trying to be kind, do the right thing, write things, and remember to take the next breath lest my body forgets.