I’m going to keep part 1 brief, as this type of conversation tends to evoke quite a bit of emotion lately.
I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have friends. Even when I was homeless briefly in Colorado where I knew literally no one, I ended up with a handful of life long buddies. I truly do not see my life as anywhere near the same without the people surrounding me.
They fall out sometimes though don’t they? Sometimes its brutal and final. Sometimes it’s accidental and seemingly for no reason. Sure, you see each others posts on social media, give them a few likes, that doesn’t count – we’ll save social media for a future post.
Someone wonderful returned into my life recently, and with the use of instinct in correlation with logic (see previous post) I decided this is a beyond great thing to happen and it is the best thing for me. This person wasn’t only my best friend before, but much more than that. Reconnecting with that type of force after losing it is a strong smack in the face. So many feelings and thoughts, fears and concerns, and above all: hope.
But what happens when that person tells you of bad things your other friends did during the separation? How they disrespected you, talked bad about you, or completely disregarded you. See, I have already cut a lot of bad fruit from the tree lately, through mistrust to complete belligerent anger, so my friends list has lowered considerably. Then you get new information that others wronged you. It makes you think who I’ve wronged. Do I accidentally slip away from people? Talk smack about them? UGGGHHH…..
This post is part one for a reason. I have so much more to say. So much more to search for. People are so hard to deal with. It’s hard to be one! But I am not ashamed to admit that I need them. We all are experiencing this reality in a different and very personal way. I’m going to try to see things from others perspective to see if I can crack the code on this batshit existence.