Currently listening to: Downer by STRFKR and No Rain by Blind Melon
Another week flies by. It is amazing how much can fit into seven little days. A metric shit ton apparently. It feels as though I am on this high-speed train on a track of constant change. Nothing stays the same lately. Things are happening fast. Things are wonderful. Things are scary. The best part is life isn’t boring. Silver linings.
It’s amazing how depression works. You could be super happy, productive, social, and healthy…. then BAM! Here it is again. Seemingly for no reason. It comes and goes like waves. Like a disease that lies dormant until something sets it off and brings it to the surface. Like an old friend that you weren’t too keen on seeing, but just shows up and asks to stay the night.
I’ve been thinking about leaving this place. Putting my nose to the grindstone and saving ungodly amounts quietly, then disappearing. I don’t exactly feel like leaving Oregon is for me yet. Maybe somewhere bigger, and more beautiful. Ashland? Bend? I want to go somewhere where I am invisible. Somewhere I can rise from the ashes and reinvent myself. Exciting prospect that.
I opened a letter from a friend a few days ago that said they appreciate how I roll with the punches. How brave I can be. How I take on the world and problems with a smile and always bounce back. You can’t possibly imagine how much that was needed in that moment. I fucking love people sometimes.
To whom it may concern… i.e.: anyone who cares to check out this page. I will probably be posting more on here more frequently. I’ll still be doing a Friday retrospective as per usual, but I’ll be dropping more stuff. Stuff from my stories, poems, anxieties, and random brain droppings. I started writing again, in my beautiful new journal, and it has felt so good. Like a superpower has returned.
Mantras are important. Find a phrase that ignites emotion. That lifts you. And repeat it here and there throughout the day. “I love myself” “My family is everything” “I am important” “Don’t be an idiot” “Hooty Hoo” ….. whatever sets your soul on fire. I promise it does wonders. Create those pathways.